This week I have been working on a project. An assignment. A hard one! I’m enrolled in a 5-day course that will help me with my big dream. Each day has a lesson and one assignment. Seems simple enough. Except it took me to the very end of day 3 to be happy with my day 1 assignment.
I had been given great feedback and probing questions from the instructor. I sent my rough draft (I had maybe 6 or 7 rough drafts) to my mom, who is a writer. My husband looked it over and helped me dig through word choices and their meaning and theological significance. I felt like I was going nowhere. And here’s the kicker: I was only writing four sentences. Four!!! That’s it. It was so hard to me to get everything I wanted to say, to explain it so clearly, to be true and faithful to my calling and faith into four little sentences.
At the end of day two, I really started to question myself. Was this really what God is calling me to do? If I can’t write four little sentences, how am I going to complete my book or speak truth into others. Maybe I should stop now. No one would really miss what I bring to the table. There are so many others doing what I want to do. Really Lord? Me?
You see, I do believe God created me for this. For many things, but especially for this. God has known this since the beginning, and if I really stop, breathe and thing about it, I know it too.
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
Psalm 139:13-16 (ESV)
I believe that you were created on purpose. No matter your circumstances. God knew you and created you on purpose and for a purpose. There is nothing in you; your desires, your faults, your challenges, your dreams; nothing is hidden from God. We are products of God’s handiwork. I believe there are God ordained dreams in our souls and as we walk our path, those dreams come into fruition. But that doesn’t mean there will be challenges or struggles or days when we want to give up.
My soul did not know it well. I forgot, even if just for a day. I made it about me and not about Him. I questioned, and wavered, and was ready to give up. But I didn’t.
When you find yourself in a place where your soul does not know it well, how can you bring yourself back? How can you remember? For me, I needed to go to bed and sleep. I needed to focus on gratitude and prayer. I needed to read from the Bible. And then I needed to stop second guessing myself and get back to work! God made me for this! What amazing, awesome, inspiring thing did God make you for?